I have been trying to put my finger on just what it is about this country that I love. Although I haven’t been able to draw any conclusions, I have had fun reminiscing about ongoing quirks or funny experiences I’ve had in this culture.
1. There’s always room for one more in any mode of transportation. Family of 4? One motorcycle’s all you need. Have a matchbox car? That’ll fit 7-8 people, easy.
2. It is always appropriate to answer your cell phone, even in the middle of a meeting. Leaving the room is optional. (I have been informed that voicemail does exist, but it’s impossible to retrieve messages, so voicemail does
not exist here.)
3. If something is scheduled to begin at a specific time, be sure to arrive at least an hour later. Recently, I went to a wedding that was scheduled for 4:30. We arrived at 5:50, just as the ceremony began.
4. When meeting someone on the street, it is always appropriate to ask “कहाँ जा रही हैं?" “Where are you going?” or “आप खाना खायी हैं” “Have you eaten?”
5. It is inappropriate to ignore the above questions when asked. The correct answers are always “Around” and “Yes. I have eaten.”
6. It is appropriate to inform a person if he or she has gained weight. Even though I ‘have reduced’ this year, I am still considered ‘मोटी’ (fat).
7. The electricity can and will go out at any time. Prepare with mobiles and torches (flashlights).
8. The electricity will stay off for any random length of time. Most common is 1-2 hours, but be prepared to be in the dark for 8 hours…or 5 minutes.
9. If it rains, one can assume that any and all planned activities are cancelled for the rest of the day. Even so, my experience indicates that most activities continue as planned, just with fewer people. (I will see if this ‘rule’ changes now that monsoon season is beginning!)
10. Sarees are not as horrible to wear as some foreigners would have you think. I make up reasons to wear my sarees and enjoy every minute of it.
11. When greeting the foreigner walking down the road, children are taught to always use their best English. “Good morning, Didi” is used at all times of the day, until one kid smacks another on the shoulder and says, “It’s evening!” This comment is then followed by another chorus of “Good evening, Didi!”
12. If you see a foreigner in a restaurant, it is acceptable to stare. If you get up enough courage, send your little girl over to ask (in her best English) “What is your name?” For bonus points, send her a second time to ask, “Where are you from?” Feel free to continue to stare. (Oh, yes this happened! The Indo-foreigners Gang can verify it.)
13. Tailors do not understand the concept of loose-fitting clothes. Yes, I’m sure I don’t want my arm flab bulging out from my sleeves, thank you very much!
14. Always charge a “foreigner tax” when transporting foreigners in your taxi/auto/rickshaw. This tax at least doubles a reasonable fare. If the foreigner somehow knows what the fair price should be, gasp and look appalled that she would even suggest such low price. Only negotiate when she walks away.
15. If you are in a hurry and the line is too long in the grocery store, walk around the cash registers and put your merchandise at the other end of the counter. Sometimes the cashier will take your items before helping the customer who has waited patiently for his/her turn to check out. (This doesn’t work most of the time…it only causes an uproar by the people who have been waiting in line, but there’s always at least one person who does this every time I go to the store.)
16. Any daily task can take much longer than anticipated. For example, one time I was waiting in line at the grocery store. I was next in line to be checked out. The electricity blinked off and back on, but the cashiers’ system froze and no one could check out. By the time they rebooted the whole system (amidst all of the customers jockeying for position in the line that could open first), my cashier disappeared. I seriously considered trying #15, but then just took my place in a different line and paid…45 minutes later than anticipated.
17. There is no such thing as personal space when waiting in line. Pushing the person in front of you somehow gets you there faster, and if there is a counter, crowd to the side of the person currently being helped and shove your paperwork or money toward the worker. (Luckily, the rules bend a bit when ladies have to wait in the men’s line. Leave at least a little bit of air between men and ladies.)
18. A ladies’ line is always available at rail ticket and post offices. When the line is all ladies, the pushing rule is in full effect.
19. Be sure you are in the right line. Banks are confusing enough that you may wait for an hour in one line, get to the front and find out that you need to use a different counter.
20. Never take your toothbrush into the bathroom on the train. (See my “Smile” post on 28 Dec 2008 for a more complete explanation.)
