Reflecting

I am constantly reminded that I am not alone. I feel alone. I miss my family and friends back home, but I wouldn’t call it being homesick. I long to see everyone again, but I know that July is not that far away. Lately, I’ve been trying to find the balance between being present here in India and keeping in touch with people back home. In some ways, it’s been difficult to be present in India. At home, I was used to hanging out with people all the time. Be it one other person or a whole group, my friends were just a cell phone call away. Here it’s different. I have no cell phone. I have several friends, but it’s difficult to get together, especially during the week, when I work until almost dark, and it’s not safe to be roaming about very late (8 o’clock has become “very late” for me).
It probably seems strange to be feeling alone when there are so many people every time I go outside. I want to have a group of people to just hang out with here in Ranchi. I was thinking about how I was going to make that happen. And then it occurred to me – I can’t make that happen. Kinda depressing, eh? At first yes, but I realized that it’s really in God’s hands. Not mine. If I try to live in India by my own strength, I’m going to have a lot of difficulty. Relying on God has been so much better. He is with me all the time, even when I feel alone in the crowded streets of India.
I’ve also been trying to figure out what exactly I’m doing here. It’s like I’m waiting for God to tell me my next step. I prayed, “Okay, God, I’m here. I’m in India. This is where You told me to go. Now what?” And then I waited…and waited… I’m still waiting. I’ll never forget what Dan O. said at our small group Bible study just before I left. He said, “You’re gonna be sooo different a year from now.” I didn’t want to think about that. Can’t I just take this as a year “off” and return home to life as usual in July? I don’t want to change. I like me. But I know he’s right. And I will still be me – me will just be a little different (Hopefully good different…I still want to like me!) So instead of refusing to change, I made myself busy with random tasks throughout the day so I wouldn’t have to think about changing.
I could only keep myself busy for so long. I was forced to reflect on my year so far. After all, it’s been almost three months! Working at MCSFI has been great. As the accounts person, I’m doing what I enjoy, but I am also able to go along for different programs and project visits to see more of the social justice work that is being done in India. And I really appreciate the kind of work that MCSFI does. From water projects for agriculture in rural areas to health and awareness issues to disaster relief, it’s an organization working for the people of India. I’m very privileged to be a part of it.
I also get to play the Mennonite game quite a bit too, which I find hilarious! I made connections with Joanne (Keim) Benderoth, who grew up in Charm and calls Fredericksburg home when she and her husband, Carl, and son, Andy, are not in Varanasi, India. They have been coming to India for 13 years now, with YWAM, and they return home every 2 years to raise more funds. They have built and run a widows’ home, which also houses a school for the widows’ children and a bakery to give them a source of income.
I recently went along to help with two of MCSFI’s programs, the HIV/AIDS awareness and Peace & Justice. MCSFI has been conducting these programs at each of the Mennonite and Brethren in Christ church conferences in India. This trip happened to be in Dhamtari, the town in which Janine lived during her year with SALT. I got to meet her host family, the Chatterjees, and she wasn’t kidding, they love to talk! They were very excited that I knew one of their SALTers.
At times, the needs of the people of India overwhelm me and I don’t know what good I can do. But even small things can make a difference. I hadn’t known much about situations in Southeast Asia, let alone the subcontinent of India. Even knowing more about the people here and talking with them has been a blessing. On our train ride home from Dhamtari, I made new friends. (Thank you, Mom, for giving me the gift of gab and teaching me the art of conversation!) A compartment in 3rd class AC on the train contains 8 berths. 2 along one side, and the other six begin as seats, but fold out into beds for passengers at night (triple-bunked). Anyway, I was traveling with Rev. Minj and Sonwani Uncle, and they were in my compartment. Sometimes people talk with the rest of the passengers, sometimes they don’t. Well, this time, everyone was talking. The two men sitting across from me were Akash and S. K. Singh. Akash’s mother was traveling with him, and an older couple (I never caught their names, so they are Aunty and Uncle to me now) filled up our 8 spots. Sometimes the conversation was in English, sometimes in Hindi, and when we boarded the train at 6:30, we didn’t stop talking until well after 10. Of course they all wanted to know why I decided to come to India, and we discussed many topics, including religion, nonviolence, brain tumors, corruption, Gandhi, the global economic meltdown, Obama, and problems with electricity in India. It was such an enjoyable train ride.
I don’t know if that train trip has changed me. I don’t know if any experience here has changed me. There have been no earth-shattering moments when I knew that my life would never be the same. Yet I have accepted the fact that Dan is right. I will be different. I just might not know how different until after this year is over.